


Take another little piece of my heart now, baby

by its-eggplant (webofdreams89)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Epistolary, Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter-centric, Healer Harry Potter, M/M, Minor Harry/Anthony Goldstein, Minor Harry/Dean/Seamus, Slow Burn, Student Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:33:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27286477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webofdreams89/pseuds/its-eggplant
Summary: Sighing, Harry looked at Seamus and Dean and asked, “How did you guys know you were gay?”---Harry and Charlie become friends after Charlie helps Harry come to terms with being gay. They begin writing each other letters from a continent away and fall in love in the process.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Charlie Weasley
Comments: 12
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, new multi-chapter story here! It's been ages (i.e. years) since I've written anything with multiple chapter so I'm pretty excited about the project. I'm not sure how long this will end up, though probably not too long as I have a short attention span. In the story, Harry is 18 when he and Charlie become friends but they won't get together until he's 25 or 26 or so. There is explicit content. Also, the Harry/Dean/Seamus and Harry/others are all pretty short and won't play a huge part of the story other than help Harry get to know himself. Enjoy!

Harry tapped his fingers on the linoleum table top and glanced at the black and white checkered diner clock for what had to be the seventh time in the last two minutes. He’d shown up nearly half an hour early and now the wait, the anticipation, was killing him.

The waitress must have picked up on his rattled demeanor because she kept coming over and offering him more coffee. Not that he _needed_ more coffee. He’d already had three cups before he’d left the house. Any more and the stuff would likely put a hole in his stomach.

“Hey mate!” a voice said in Harry’s ear. He yelped, jumping nearly a foot in his seat. He heard Seamus cackle as he and Dean walked around to the other side of the booth and sat down.

“A little jumpy there, Harry?” Seamus asked, smirking. Harry sighed.

Dean looked speculative as he took Harry in. “Okay,” he said, “what’s wrong?”

Just then, the waitress came over and took their orders. Harry sighed in relief at the seconds of reprieve before he’d have to bare his soul to two of his oldest friends.

After the waitress walked away, Dean asked again, “What’s going on?”

“W-why would you assume something’s wrong?” Harry sputtered. Ugh, maybe this was a mistake. But it wasn’t. He needed to _know_.

As if choreographed, Dean and Seamus each raised an eyebrow. 

Harry groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Okay, yeah, I asked you both here for a reason.”

“In Muggle London no less,” Seamus said.

“You don’t want anyone to overhear whatever you’re going to say,” Dean agreed.

Harry lowered his hands. “You’re right, I don’t.”

Seamus put his elbows on the table and leaned forward. “C’mon mate. Just yank it off. Like a bandage, yeah?”

Sighing yet again, Harry looked at each of them and asked, “How did you guys know you were gay?”

Seamus’ jaw dropped. “You’re _gay_ , Harry?”

Harry grimaced and nodded. Not that there was anything wrong with being gay. He just really didn’t want to have another thing to deal with it, more kindling for the press to go after. Harry said, “Yeah, I think so.”

“Well first off,” Dean said, “I’m bi. Seamus is gay.”

“Okay,” Harry said, nodding. “But how did you _know_?”

Dean shifted in his seat, taking a drink of water the waitress gave them when they first arrived. “I figured out I was bi when I realized I had feelings for boys the same way I had feelings for girls.”

“And I realized that I’d never had feelings for a girl before. When I realized that I liked Dean, it all kind of clicked for me,” Seamus said.

Harry groaned. “That easy, huh?”

“There isn’t anything easy about being queer whether you figure it out right away or not,” Dean admitted. “So, have you ever had feelings for a girl?”

Harry thought back to his disastrous kiss with Cho that had put his stomach in knots and the super awkward, and rather chaste, relationship with Ginny. “I don’t think so,” he admitted. “Being with a girl has never felt right.”

“Okay, well, have you ever had feelings for a guy?” Seamus asked.

Immediately, Harry knew the answer to that question, gray eyes and a kind smile flashing through his mind. 

He nodded. “I think I have. But I’ve never even kissed a guy before. How do I know I even like it?”

Seamus and Dean shared a look and Seamus raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend. Dean gave a small nod. Harry was puzzled but shrugged it off. They were friends for a long time before they got together and had developed a silent language between them much the same way Harry and Ron had.

“I think that it’s totally possible to know you like guys without ever kissing one. Especially if you know you want to kiss one,” said Dean.

Harry thought about it. It made sense. “Yeah,” he said, “I would like to kiss a guy.”

“Well,” Seamus began, “we might be able to help you with that.”

Before Harry could ask what he meant by that, the waitress arrived with their food. 

“I just feel like such a late bloomer,” he whined several minutes later after the waitress came to take away their empty plates.

Seamus rolled his eyes. “Harry, mate, you’re only eighteen. And besides, your life has been kind of a shitshow. When would you have had the _time_ to figure out you liked guys?”

“He’s right, Harry. There’s nothing wrong with coming out right now. Some people don’t figure it out for decades yet. Trust me, it’s fine.”

“It doesn’t feel fine,” he admitted, suddenly self conscious in front of his two friends who seemed to have it all figured out.

“Welcome to coming out. You’ll only have to do approximately every day for the rest of your life!” Seamus said sarcastically. 

“Great,” Harry mumbled. “Just great.”

After lunch, the three of them headed back to Grimmauld Place to hang out for a while. Harry passed out a round of Firewhiskey and took a seat on the end of the couch next to Dean.

“About what we said earlier,” Dean began, giving Harry an unreadable look. “We can do it, help you figure it out. If you want to that is.”

Frowning, Harry asked, “What do you mean?”

Seamus leaned forward in his seat to look around Dean at Harry. “You could try kissing us to see if you like kissing guys.”

Harry’s eyebrows shot up. “Um, what? But you guys are in a relationship!”

“Yeah, but we’re both fine with it. Besides, you’re our friend and we want to help you. It isn’t a big deal,” Seamus said with a shrug.

Dean smirked. “It wouldn’t exactly be a hardship to kiss you, Harry. You’re good looking.”

Harry didn’t know about that. He was still rather short and scrawny, his hair looked like he’d never combed it a day in his like, and wore terrible glasses. He really needed to get a new pair.

Harry looked between Dean and Seamus and asked, “And both of you are fine with this?”

They both nodded. “Course we are,” Seamus replied. “Besides, Dean is a really good kisser. It’d be your loss if you didn’t get to experience that at least once.”

Harry chuckled. “Okay then, why the hell not?”

Before Harry had the chance to overthink it, he scooted closer to Dean and leaned up, pressing their lips together. A _zing_ of electricity sparked through his lips. It was such a chaste kiss but it was already better than any of the kisses he had shared with a girl.

Dean cupped Harry’s cheek and deepened the kiss. The spark between them intensified when their tongues touched and Harry was unable to hold back a low whimper. 

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Seamus said. Harry pulled back from Dean and gulped when he saw Seamus palm himself through his jeans.

“Yeah?” he asked, smiling despite himself.

“Oh, yeah!” He gave Harry a cheeky grin and asked, “Want to try some of the other things you can do with boys?” Dean chuckled, wrapping an arm around each of them.

Harry smiled. “Sure,” he said. “Why the hell not?”

“Excellent!” Seamus said, sliding from the couch to the floor and kneeling before Harry. Harry’s breath hitched when Seamus reached for his fly.

“Is this okay?” Seamus asked, raising his eyebrows. Unable to speak, Harry vigorously nodded. “Good.” 

With that, Seamus undid his jeans, roughly yanked them, along with his boxers, over his ass and down his thighs, and then _licked_ him. And Merlin, it was so good. Nothing had ever felt so good before and it took everything in him not to thrust forward into Seamus’ mouth.

Dean seemed to notice his trouble because he climbed behind Harry on the couch and wrapped his arms around him, holding Harry in place. While Seamus took Harry into his mouth, Dean pressed hot kisses to his neck and pinched his nipples through his shirt.

“Fuck!” Harry moaned, unable to keep his hips still this time. Seamus coughed a little and pulled back, giving them each a cheeky grin.

“You know, I’ve been wanting to do this since about fourth year,” Seamus said conversationally as he pumped Harry’s cock. “It’s been a fantasy of ours.”

“I-is that s-so?” Harry stuttered out, his face hot with both want and embarrassment.

“Definitely,” Dean murmured, his breath hot on Harry’s neck. “We’ve both wanted you. We just didn’t know you liked guys.”

“Lucky for us, you do,” Seamus said with amusement.

“Y-yeah, turns out I do,” Harry stammered. “Apparently a lot.”

Dean chuckled, sliding his hand up Harry’s shirt and tweaking his left nipple. With his other hand, he tilted Harry’s head to the side and kissed him, hot and harsh and dirty. It was enough to make Harry moan again.

A few minutes later, Seamus pulled off and said, “Why don’t we switch things up a little?”

Blissed out, Harry nodded. Doing other things sounded good. He’d love to do other things too.

Murmuring in his ear, Dean asked, “What else would you like to try, Harry?”

Harry didn’t need to think about it. He knew exactly what he wanted, what he’d fantasized about more than once. He opened his mouth but the words stuck in his throat.

“Harry, do you wish to continue?” Seamus asked.

Again, Harry nodded. Clearing his dry throat, he said, “Yeah, I know.” 

He told them, making them both hiss with arousal.

It wasn’t long before Harry found himself sucking Seamus off while Dean rimmed him and opened him up from behind. It felt incredible, simultaneously too much and not enough and just right. More than once, Harry felt close to coming and made Dean pause just so he could catch his breath.

Then Dean was pressing inside. Harry had never felt anything like, not even when he’d fingered himself or played with a toy. He felt so full as Dean took him from behind, and it was so much better than any fantasy. 

“Fuck, that’s so hot,” Seamus said, brushing Harry’s hair from his eyes. “You have no idea how you two look right now.”

Harry leaned back and pumped Seamus’ cock as he said, “Then tell us. Tell us what we look like.”

Both Dean and Seamus groaned, Dean’s hips even stuttering at Harry’s words. “The mouth on you,” he said, leaning down to drape himself over Harry’s back.

“Well,” Seamus began, “you look so wrecked, Harry.”

“Totally debauched,” Dean ground out.

“And?” Harry asked breathlessly, needing to hear more.

“And you two look so good together. I can’t believe we haven’t done this before now,” Seamus ground out as Harry took his cock back into his mouth. 

Seamus moved a few inches to the left. Dean was tall enough to lean over Harry and suck Seamus even as he slid inside Harry’s ass. Seamus petted both of their heads and mumbled, “So close.”

“Let me,” Harry said, grabbing Seamus’ prick and pumping. “I wanna try.”

Dean pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek and then chuckled. “By all means.”

Once again, Harry’s lips closed around Seamus and slid down his length. Mere seconds later, Harry felt the first spurt of come in his mouth and swallowed, taking Seamus even deeper.

“Fuck!” Seamus shouted. He grabbed Harry’s had and shallowly thrusted until he was done. He collapsed back on the couch, his chest heaving. “I can’t believe that’s your first time sucking cock.”

Harry gave a breathy laugh. “I aim to please.”

“No kidding,” Dean said.

A moment later, Dean pulled out and sat on the couch next to his boyfriend. “C’mere,” he said, grabbing Harry’s hand and hauling him to his lap. Dean guided Harry’s hips down and soon Harry was vigorously bouncing on Dean’s cock. Seamus alternated between making out with Dean and Harry.

The pleasure rose and Harry knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back this time. “Gonna come,” he said. Seamus got off the couch and stood behind Harry, pulling him to his chest. Both Dean and Seamus wrapped a fist around his prick and pumped him until he came. Once Harry came back to himself, he grinded on Dean’s dick in earnest until Harry felt him release deep inside him.

About an hour later, after having a few drinks, Dean and Seamus left Grimmauld, letting Harry know that if he ever wanted to do it again, all he had to do was ask. He grinned, considering taking them up on his offer.

That night, Harry went to bed with a smile on his face.

*

After confirming what he’d long suspected, that he was gay, Harry knew he needed to figure out how to come out. He knew Ron and Hermione would be fine with it but for some reason, that didn’t make it much easier to say. 

On Thursday, he went to their apartment for dinner. Each time he tried to tell them, his throat closed up, rendering him incapable. More than once, Hermione had narrowed her eyes at him, knowing he had something on his mind. Still, she didn’t say anything until Harry got ready to Floo home.

After giving him a big hug, she placed her hands on his shoulders, looked him hard in the eyes, and said, “You know you can tell us anything, right? We’re always here for you.”

Harry smiled at her. “I know, Hermione. I’ll tell you soon, okay?” he promised.

She nodded and returned his smile. “Okay, good. I worry you know.”

He gave her another quick hug. “You wouldn’t be Hermione if you didn’t worry.”

She laughed. “True enough.”

On Sunday, Harry went to the Burrow for the weekly Weasley family dinner. With Charlie visiting from Romania, it was the first time Harry had seen all the Weasley’s together in ages. It was nice, but Harry was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he struggled to follow conversation. More than once Charlie, who sat across from Harry, gave him a strange, considering look.

Harry was wrenched from his thoughts when Mrs. Weasley asked, “Have you given it any thought, dear?”

Harry tore his gaze from the hole he was burning into his plate. “I’m sorry?”

Several people chuckled. “I know Kingsley and Robards both would like it if you enrolled in the auror training program. Have you given it any more thought?”

Harry felt that all too familiar dread return, making him break out into a cold sweat. It came each time someone asked something similar, each time someone had wanted something from him since the end of the war. And truthfully, long before that too. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans.

“Mate?” Ron asked from his left. 

Harry looked at him and gulped. “I...I don’t think I’m going to,” he admitted. “I don’t want...I don’t want to fight anymore.”

He cringed, terrified Ron would be mad at him. They’d had all these plans. They were going to enroll in the Auror program together. They were going to be partners. Out of everyone, Ron (and Hermione) was the one person he didn’t want to disappoint.

Ron gave a small, sad smile. Grasping Harry’s shoulder, his best friend said, “I know, mate. Me too. It’s okay.”

“You’ve already given so much Harry,” Hermione said. “No one expects you to give more.”

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. “ _Everyone_ exports more from me.” Taking a deep breath, he abruptly stood, nearly tipping his chair over. It would have fallen if Ron hadn’t caught it. 

He said, “I-I need some air,” and dashed outside.

By the time he made it past the garden to a bench near the pond, tears were falling from his eyes. His body shuddered with tears for several minutes before he heard feet approaching. Someone sat next to him on the bench.

Harry surreptitiously wiped his eyes and was surprised to look up and see Charlie next to him. “They send you out to console me?” 

Charlie laughed. “Nah, I volunteered.” Sighing, he ran his hand through his long auburn hair. “Probably a ridiculous question, but are you okay?”

“Well, I’ve been better,” Harry admitted.

“I can imagine you have.” He gave Harry a small smile. “Wanna talk about it?”

Surprisingly, he did. It seemed like it would be easier to talk to Charlie, someone he didn’t know nearly as well as Ron or Hermione or the twins. 

“Actually, I do.”

If Charlie was surprised, he didn’t show it. Instead, he gave Harry an encouraging smile and said, “What’s going on Harry?”

Harry sighed again. “A few things actually. A lot of it is what we talked about at dinner. I’d rather cut off my own arm than join the Aurors.”

“That’s understandable. After fighting a war like you did, I wouldn’t want to either.”

“It’s just, well, the press is going to have a field day when they get word of it. They’ve already written about how I’m _shirking responsibility_ by not joining up straight away.”

“Unfortunately, when it comes to you, the press is always going to have something to say. And a lot of it is going to be negative. You just need to find a way to power through it. And if they get too nasty, get a lawyer to straighten it out for you,” Charlie said. He made it sound so easy.

Fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, Harry replied, “It isn’t the first time the press has done something like this. It’s just that every time they run a story like that, it just reminds me that I don’t actually know what I want to do.”

Much like Ron had, Charlie laid a hand on Harry’s shoulder. A tingle shot across Harry’s skin, but who could blame him? Charlie was hot. 

“You’ll figure it out, Harry. It’s only been a year since the war ended. You were studying for your NEWTS when I saw you at Christmas. You still plan on taking them?”

“Yeah, I’m signed up to take them in June.”

Charlie nodded. “Well, that’s the first step. Most jobs are going to require your NEWT scores. Why don’t you head to Flourish and Blotts and see if you can get some career info?”

“That’s a good idea. I think I will.”

“Hermione might have something that’ll help.” He gave Harry a long look. “So what else is going on?”

Perhaps Charlie would be a good sounding board for Harry. He’d never known him to have a girlfriend or to even talk about a woman. It was possible he was the perfect person to talk to.

“I figured something out about myself recently.”

A knowing look crossed Charlie’s face. “I think I might know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah?” 

Charlie nodded. 

Harry took a deep breath and looked out across the pond. He could see a few dragonflies flitting around. He wished he could be so carefree.

“I’m gay.”

Again, Charlie nodded and smiled softly at Harry. “I am too.” 

Relief spread through Harry. “Really?”

“Mhm,” Charlie said, lacing his fingers together and looking out at the pond too. “I figured it out when I was in my fifth year I believe.”

“I feel like I’m so behind,” Harry admitted.

“Harry, there was a war going on during your last few years of school. I’d be surprised if you _had_ figured it out.”

Laughing, Harry said, “Yeah, I suppose that’s true.” Wringing his hands, Harry added, “I haven’t told Ron and Hermione yet.”

Squeezing Harry’s shoulder again, Charlie said, “They’re not going to think less of you. They love you. And the rest of the family will be fine with it too. They were all great when I came out.”

A weight felt as if it’d been lifted off his shoulders. It felt great. “That’s a relief. But I am scared of telling Ginny. I don’t want to hurt her. We were supposed to get back together after the war.”

“Oh Harry, Ginny is going to be okay. She might be a little sad, but she’ll be glad you told her. It’ll probably help that it won’t be because of anything she did.”

“True,” Harry replied, grinning.

Looking pensive, Charlie said, “You know, if you need someone to talk to about this, you can always write me.”

“Really?” Harry asked. Charlie nodded. “Actually, that would be great.”

For the first time in ages, Harry felt warm. Content.

*

Harry spent the next half-week studying and working on the renovations at Grimmauld Place. There was a lot to do, and it seemed as if his to-do list was endless, but he was making progress. Already, he’d already finished the kitchen, the parlor, his bedroom, and one of the guest bedrooms.

Today, he was working on the library. Compared to some of the other rooms, it wasn’t in as bad of condition though it still needed a lot of work. It was while moving around some bookshelves Harry came across _A Comprehensive Guide to the Healing Arts_ , an old tome that smelled as dusty as the rest of the books in the old Black family library. Curious, Harry pulled it from the shelf and lugged it downstairs to the kitchen. 

“Kreacher!” he called.

Kreacher popped into the room. “What is master be needing?” he asked. The look on his face was far more pleasant that it was when Harry first met him. It probably had to do with the fake locket currently around his neck.

“I’ve told you a hundred times to call me Harry,” he reminded him.

“Yes, Master Harry,” Kreacher said, nodding.

Rolling his eyes, Harry asked, “Would you mind putting on tea and bringing over some biscuits?”

Kreacher nodded again and went off to take care of it. Meanwhile, Harry settled into a seat at the kitchen table and cracked open the tome. He looked through the table of contents, intrigued by what he found. He flipped through the book and, by the time he looked up, his tea was nearly cold. Harry cast a wandless heating charm on the tea and took a sip. 

It was dark the next time Harry looked up.

*

That Thursday, Ron and Hermione came to Grimmauld. They alternated their weekly dinners between their apartment and Harry’s place, and it worked out quite well. 

Just like every other time Harry wanted to cook, he had to fight Kreacher for possession of the stove. The elf grumbled under his breath as he exited the room, muttering about silly boys taking his job from him. Harry couldn’t suppress his grin.

Ron and Hermione were both in a good mood when they came through the Floo, each giving Harry a big hug. It was still weird going from literally spending every moment together in a tent to only seeing each other a few times a week. Sometimes Harry got a bit jealous that they spent so much time together. Despite being a couple, Harry knew they still loved him as much as ever. That was enough for him.

“Hi, Harry! I hope your week has been well!” Hermione said, taking a seat at the dinner table. 

“It hasn’t been bad. Cleaning and studying,” Harry replied, peeking inside the oven at the shepherd’s pie.

Ron scoffed. “You’re turning into Hermione.”

“Hey!” she said, swatting Ron on the arm. “You say that like it’s a bad thing! It’s good that Harry’s been studying so much unlike _some people_.”

Harry had to bite his tongue from laughing as Ron’s face grew red. “I study,” he said defensively.

“Well, you need to study _more_ if you want to pass your NEWTS,” Hermione said.

“We can all study together,” Harry suggested, joining them at the table. The shepherd’s pie needed a bit longer in the oven. “It’ll be like old times.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Hermione said, no doubt already drawing up study plans in her head.

Ron gave Harry a look that read _really_? Harry just smiled.

“So, Hermione, what do you know about the healing arts?” Harry asked as he joined them at the table.

“Oh, Harry!” she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. “Are you thinking of becoming a healer?”

“You’ve done it now, mate,” Ron grumbled.

“Well, I found this book in the library on healing and it looked really interesting,” he said. Harry stood and grabbed _A Comprehensive Guide to the Healing Arts_ , setting it down in front of Hermione.

“Oh, wow, this is amazing,” she said as she ran her hands over the cover

Returning to his seat, Harry asked, “Do you have any career information on becoming a healer? Charlie thought you might.”

Ron frowned. “When did you talk to Charlie?” he asked.

A weird feeling settled in Harry’s stomach. “Well, he was the one that came outside on Sunday. We talked about career stuff.” 

_It just wasn’t all we talked about,_ Harry thought to himself.

Hermione looked up from the book and glanced at Harry. Reading something on his face, she turned to her boyfriend and said, “Honestly, Ronald!”

“What?” Ron asked, throwing his hands up in the air. “What did I say?”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Anyway,” she said. She looked back at Harry. “Is becoming a healer something you might want to do?”

Harry thought for a moment of a career that allowed him to help people without the need to be chased or hunted or hurt. It definitely appealed to him. “Yeah, I think so.”

Hermione nodded, a sweet smile on her face. “I think you’d be a great healer, Harry.”

*

It wasn’t long before the timer went off and Harry pulled the shepherd’s pie from the oven. He dished them each a plate and they dug in. 

After a few minutes, Hermione looked up from her food and, in a gentle voice, said, “You didn’t invite us over tonight to talk about your career goals, did you?.”

Harry froze up. He knew he needed to tell them, to be honest with them so he could just be himself for once. Still, it was difficult to say. He wasn’t yet used to thinking of himself as a gay man.

So he steeled himself and quietly said, “No, that wasn’t all I wanted to talk about.”

“Harry, what is it?” Hermione asked, her voice full of worry.

“You know you can tell us anything, mate,” Ron said, raising an eyebrow at his best friend.

Taking a deep breath, Harry said, “Guys, I’m gay.”

Silence. 

At least until Hermione bounced in her seat and said, “Oooh, that makes so much sense. Oh, of course! Cedric!”

Ron looked between the two of them, clearly confused. “What? What about Diggory?”

“Don’t you see, Ron? Harry wasn’t jealous of Cedric because he was dating Cho during fourth year. He was jealous of _Cho_ because he liked _Cedric._ ”

Ron turned to Harry, looking speculative. “You know, you did call him Pretty Boy Diggory an awful lot.”

Harry’s cheeks pinked. “Well, he _was_ really pretty, wasn’t he?”

Hermione vigorously nodded. “Oh, he was very pretty.” 

“Oi!” Ron exclaimed. “Boyfriend present!”

Hermione grinned at her boyfriend before she turned back to Harry, a frown on her face. “Oh, Harry, no wonder you took his death so hard.” In a soft voice she said, “You were in love with him.”

Harry looked away but nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “I reckon that I was. He was a good guy.”

The next few minutes were silent while they finished up their dinner. Harry wasn’t particularly hungry any longer. Years later and Cedric’s death still hurt. It hurt more now that Harry realized just what the older boy meant to him, how it was to watch the boy he’d loved be murdered. 

It almost made Harry reluctant to fall in love again. Almost.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't quite as long as the last one but I wanted to get it out before I lost any momentum. There is a reference to the canon child abuse Harry endured as a child though it's nothing explicit. Enjoy!

_Dear Charlie,_

_Well, I did it! I came out to Ron and Hermione. You were right, it went really well. They’re very supportive. Thank you so much for encouraging me and for all your help._

_I have other good news too. After I get my NEWT results, I think that I’m going to apply to the healer’s program at St. Mungo’s. I want to be a healer. I think it will make me happy to help people in a way that has nothing to do with fighting or the war._

_It was really nice seeing you last week - hope we can hang out again soon. Will you be home for Christmas this year? Talk soon!_

_Harry_

*

_Dear Harry,_

_That’s amazing! I just knew it would go well. I’m sure it’s a huge relief to have that off your chest. I’m very proud of you! I know how hard it can be to tell people._

_A healer, huh? I would have recommended a career in dragon keeping, what with all your experience with dragons! Just kidding! Seriously though, I think you’ll make a fantastic healer, Harry. You definitely have the compassion that it takes for that sort of job. St. Mungo’s will be lucky to have you._

_Your friend,_

_Charlie_

*

_Dear Charlie,_

_How are you? And more importantly, how are the dragons? Has anyone found the one we freed from Gringotts yet? I imagine it’s in need of a lot of care after being locked up underground so long._

_I’m really excited about having figured out what I want to do. Hermione has been really helpful finding me the right information I need to become a healer. I even wrote Professor McGonagall and she sent along some pamphlets and gave me the contact info for the person in charge of the training program._

_The only thing left to do is to take my NEWTs and do well on them. I’ve been studying harder than I ever have in my life so I hope it all pays off! Unsurprisingly, Hermione is proud of me._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry_

*

Before he knew it, Harry’s NEWT results had arrived. His stomach soured when he saw the seal on the scroll, anxiety spiking through his body. While taking the test had gone a lot better than he thought it would, his results were the thing that would make or break his chance of becoming a healer. He couldn’t afford to do poorly on them.

Breathing in sharply, Harry tore off the metaphorical bandage and opened them. And then nearly passed out. 

Without thinking, he was through the Floo and collapsing on the living room floor of Ron and Hermione’s apartment within seconds.

“Hermione!” he yelled, leaping up and dashing through the house in search of his friend. “Hermione, where are you?”

He found her in the kitchen, her brown skin turning ashen at his sudden, and rather loud, appearance. “Oh, Harry, what is it? What’s wrong?” She rushed to him, grabbing onto his arms to steady him. When Harry didn’t say anything right away, busy trying to catch his breath, she asked again, “Harry?”

Still unable to speak, he thrust his test results out to her. Raising an eyebrow, Hermione unscrolled the paper and promptly gasped.

“Oh my god, Harry!” she said, launching herself at him in a big hug. “This is incredible! All your hard work paid off. I’m so proud of you! I always knew you were capable of this.” This being straight Os in Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Herbology, and even Potions.

“Th-thanks, Hermione,” he said, hugging her tight. “I just can’t believe it.” Pulling back, he asked, “How did you do?”

“Seven Os,” she murmured, a small smile on her face.

“Amazing!” Harry said, pulling her in for another hug. “I’m proud of you too.”

They moved their conversation to the kitchen table after Hermione made them tea. Harry couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so happy. He’d felt adrift since the end of the war, purposeless, but it seemed that things were finally falling into place for him. It was a start at least.

“Where’s Ron?” Harry asked, suddenly realizing he hadn’t seen his friend.

“Oh, he’s at the shop with George.” 

Ron joined his brother at Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes when George finally reopened it several months ago. Not only did Ron seem really happy working there, his presence also helped ease the sting of loss for George. It helped Ron too.

Harry nodded, wishing his friend was around to share in their joy. 

“Why don’t the three of us go to dinner tonight to celebrate?” Hermione asked.

“Yeah, that sounds great. It’ll be nice not to cook tonight.”

Hermione raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you have a house elf?” she asked, full well knowing the answer. 

He knew how she felt about house elves (and truthfully, Harry felt weird having one) though they all agreed Kreacher would likely die if Harry freed him. While Kreacher had played a role in Sirius’ death, the old elf had grown on Harry. 

Sheepishly, Harry shrugged. “I do cook most nights, though Kreacher always complains about it. But he’s been working so hard helping me with the renovations that I feel guilty asking him to cook on top of it.”

Nodding, Hermione just gave him a soft smile and squeezed his hand. “So, will you be bringing a special someone to dinner tonight?” she tentatively asked.

Harry shook his head. “For as much as I’d like to say yes, I’m not seeing anyone at the moment.”

“Have you dated a man before?” she asked, curious.

Again, Harry shook his head. “I haven’t though I have had, um, _relations_ with one. Well, two actually.” Harry was glad his skin was brown enough to cover up most of his blush.

Hermione gasped. “Why didn’t you say something? _Who?_ ”

Harry felt his blush deepen. “Okay, you can’t say anything,” he began.

“Promise!” she replied, miming zipping her mouth shut.

“Dean and Seamus,” he admitted.

“What!” Hermione exclaimed. Then she grinned. “So, was it individually? Or was it at the same time?”

“Hermione!” Harry gasped. His entire body was growing warm with embarrassment. 

“What?” she said with mock offense. “I’m just curious.”

He gave her a sheepish smile. “At the same time.”

“I knew it! Those two do everything together.” Giving Harry a sly smile, she added, “And apparently they _do_ everyone together too.”

*

It was mid-July when Harry received his acceptance into the healer program, the very same week Hermione found out she’d gotten into the law program. They would be attending the same wizarding university in London come September which made Harry feel a little less nervous.

Already, Hermione was drawing study schedules for them. Harry was weirdly looking forward to studying with her. He’d gotten so used to it when he studied for an entire school year by himself to take his NEWTs that it was kind of comforting.

Since he first realized he wanted to be a healer, he’d picked through the Black family library to find all the books on healing he could get his hands on. He also went to Flourish and Blotts and found both his text books and some other books on the subject and plowed through them. Harry found it refreshing being able to read and study without the threat of the Triwizard Tournament or the Chamber of Secrets or Voldemort hanging over his head.

In late June, he’d taken Ginny out to lunch and broke the news to her that they wouldn’t be getting back together because he was gay.

“Oh Harry, I’d suspected you might be,” she admitted between bites of her sandwich. Her face was open and apologetic. It made Harry a little wistful of what could have been.

“Really?” he asked, surprised. “I honestly had no idea until fairly recently.”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “You were the only guy I’ve ever dated that had no interest whatsoever in my boobs. I know you’re a respectful guy, but you never even glanced at them.”

Harry barked out a laugh. “Yeah, I suppose that should have been a big indicator for me, huh?”

She grinned. “Probably!” Then her face turned serious. “You know that I still love you, right? You’re one of my best friends and always will be.”

Touched, a pleasant warmth spread through Harry. “You’re one of my best friends too, Gin. Always.”

“I better be!” she laughed. “I actually have some news of my own, something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

Taking in her apprehensive expression, Harry frowned, “What is it? Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. But it turns out you weren’t the only queer one in our relationship,” she said. Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. “It turns out I’m bisexual. And I’m dating Luna.”

A huge smile spread across Harry’s face. He walked around to the other side of the table and wrapped her up in a hug. “Gin, that’s incredible! The two of you make a great couple.”

“She makes me really happy, Harry.” The smile on Ginny’s face as she told Harry how they’d first kiss was adorable.

The rest of their lunch was uneventful, though they did talk about their future careers. Ginny had signed to play for the Holyhead Harpies and would join them during their next training camp. Harry couldn’t have been prouder.

*

Harry knew becoming a healer would be a lot of work, but it turned out he’d underestimated just how much work it would be. Between classes, studying, and babysitting Teddy, much of his time was accounted for. However, he tried to make it out to muggle gay bars every few weeks or so to unwind, maybe meet someone he liked. He wasn’t really looking for anything serious at the moment, though that changed when he met Devin.

Devin was tall, handsome, and had bright blue eyes. And he was a Muggle, which complicated matters though Harry was willing to try to make things work between them. It quickly became apparent that, if Harry didn’t tell Devin he was a wizard, their relationship would go nowhere. Harry couldn’t even invite Devin to his house because the place was so entrenched in magic. He told Devin he was a student, but he couldn’t tell him what school he went to because it was a wizarding university. He couldn’t talk about how his parents died and the only scars on his body he could talk about were the ones from Uncle Vernon’s belt and Aunt Petunia’s frying pan.

Within just a few months, Devin sat Harry down and gave him an ultimatum: either he tell Devin exactly what he was hiding or their relationship was over. Guilt gnawed at Harry, and he wished it was as simple as telling Devin. For as much as he liked Devin, he just wasn’t ready to unload the entire wizarding world on him.

The end of his first real relationship hurt though Harry knew it was for the best. Charlie was a huge help, describing the time he’d dated a Muggle and eventually broke up with him because he was tired of keeping secrets. It was nice talking to a friend who knew exactly what Harry was going through.

Harry’s first year of healer training flew by. He was enrolled in the program with a few of his old classmates including Padma Patil, Tracey Davis, and Morag Macdougal. The four of them became pretty good friends and formed a study weekly group. 

Before Harry knew it, it was his 21st birthday. After his relationship with Devin ended, Harry had buckled down on his school work even more, and even stopped going out for a while. However, Hermione and Ginny insisted on taking Harry out to a gay club in Muggle London for his birthday, dragging Luna, Ron, Neville, George, Lee, Dean, Seamus, and his healer friends along with them.

It was nice to have a break from everything for a change, and Harry ended up being glad his friends had dragged him out of the house. He was especially glad when, while dancing up a sweat, he felt someone tap him on the shoulder and say, “Hey” in his ear.

Turning around, Harry found Anthony Goldstein standing before him. Anthony, who had grown up _nice._ He was several inches taller than Harry, broad-shouldered and golden-haired and wearing an obscenely tight black t-shirt.

“I thought that was you, Harry,” he said, grinning.

Harry returned his smile, surprisingly glad to see him. “Anthony! It’s so nice to see you!”

Anthony’s smile widened. “It’s good to see you too. Are you here with friends? Ron and Hermione?”

“Yeah, them and a few others. They took me out for my birthday!” Harry said. “They said I work too hard and need to relax for a change.”

Leaning close to Harry’s ear, Anthony said, “Happy birthday.” And damn, Anthony’s hot breath on his neck did things to Harry. Good things. How had he never before noticed how hot Anthony was? 

“Did you come here with friends too?”

Anthony looked sheepish. “Actually, um, no. I came out alone.”

Understanding crossed Harry’s face. “Ah, you came out to hook up,” he said knowingly.

“Guilty as charged,” he admitted with a small smile. “But I’m glad I ran into you. Wanna dance with me?”

Harry nodded. Did he ever! It was impossible to deny that smile of his. 

Anthony’s hands found Harry’s hips and he pulled him close and closer. Harry wound his arms around his neck and began moving his hips. It wasn’t long before their bodies were flush and grinding on each other. Harry could feel that Anthony was as hard as he was and it felt perfect. The song changed and Harry found his back pressed up against Anthony’s front, his arms securely on Harry’s hips. It felt so good to feel Anthony’s erection pressed against his ass as they moved together.

It wasn’t long before Ginny and Luna danced up to Harry, wild smiles on their faces. Ginny smirked when she glanced down and saw that Harry was hard. It took everything in him not to hide behind his dance partner as he willed his erection to go down.

Thankfully, Ginny didn’t say anything. Instead, she shouted over the music, “Anthony! Long time, no see!”

“Hi Ginny,” he said. Like Harry, he stopped dancing but left his arm wrapped around Harry’s waist. Ginny’s eyes flickered down to it and she smirked at Harry again.

“Ron bought another round of drinks,” Luna said. Turning to Anthony, she added, “Why don’t you come join us? We’re sitting just over there,” pointing in the direction of their booth.

Anthony glanced at Harry and raised his eyebrows as if to ask _would you like me to?_ Harry bit his bottom lip and nodded. Anthony smiled at him again and Harry couldn’t help but smile back. Damn, he was cute.

Grabbing Anthony’s hand, Harry led him to the booth. Halfway there, Anthony laced his fingers through Harry’s and gently squeezed. Harry returned it, feeling happier than he had in a long time.

They spent a good hour or so at the table, drinking and laughing, before Harry’s bladder had had enough. He excused himself and all but ran to the bathroom. After washing his hands, he exited the room and found Anthony waiting for him near the door. 

Before Harry could psych himself out, he walked over to Anthony and grabbed his hand. They shared small smiles and Harry felt his cheeks heat up. He wasn’t embarrassed though. He found that he was enjoying himself, enjoying the attention of a cute guy that he was genuinely attracted to was paying him.

Anthony bit his lip and then asked, “Can I kiss you, Harry?”

Knowing it was coming, Harry’s eyes lit up and he nodded. The press of their lips was wonderful, soft, and the pressure was just right. Anthony ran the tip of his tongue between the seam of Harry’s lips and Harry opened for him, relishing in their kiss. For the second time that night, Harry was fighting an erection. 

Far too soon, Anthony pulled back.

“I know I told you that I came out tonight to find someone to take home, but I think I found something better,” Anthony leaned down to Harry’s ear and said. “I’d like to take you out on a date, Harry.”

Harry couldn’t help the grin on his face. “I’d really like that,” Harry admitted. “I’d like it a lot. Owl me the details?”

Anthony nodded and, still holding hands, they made their way back to the booth.

Later, as they were leaving the club, Ginny sidled up to Harry, looping her arm through his. Smirking, she said, “So, you and Anthony Goldstien, huh?”

Harry couldn’t help the blush that enveloped his cheeks. “He asked me on a date,” he said. “And he kissed me.”

Ginny smiled. “You haven’t gone out with anyone since you and Devin broke up, have you?” she asked. Harry shook his head. “I think this will be good for you. And I can help you pick out an outfit.”

“Would you?” Harry said, relieved. He knew he didn’t have the best fashion sense and he wanted to look good on his first date in six months.

“Of course,” she said, her face growing soft. “You deserve to be happy, Harry. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

The guilt Harry had felt over breaking up with Ginny and subsequently realizing he was gay had long since lessened, though it still twinged every now and then. He knew she didn’t hold it against him but guilt was funny that way. He was just so glad she’d wanted to stay his friend and had found someone that made her happy.

“Thanks Ginny,” he said, happiness threading through his body. “I’m glad you and Luna are happy together too.”

“You’ll get your happily-ever-after yet, Harry Potter. I just know it.”

*

_Dear Charlie,_

_So I think I have a boyfriend now but I'm not actually sure. Dating is so hard! His name is Anthony. We were in the same year together at school. I didn’t know him that well back then but he was one of my classmates who stood by me during the Ministry’s smear campaign in my fifth year._

_Anyway, we’ve gone out a few times by now and I really like him, but I don’t want to fuck this up like I did with Devin. Any advice?_

_Also, I enclosed a copy of the Quibbler I thought you might find interesting._

_Harry_

*

_Dear Harry,_

_Harry! I can’t believe you came out to the entire world like that! It had to have taken a lot of courage. Congrats on speaking your truth. Someone of your status is going to help so many people, especially kids, realize it’s okay to not be straight and to love who they love._

_I'd laugh about your current predicament but that would be hypocritical because I've been there. The best thing you can do is to be honest with Anthony. Do you want him to be your boyfriend? If so, tell him! It sounds so simple, but being honest with him about what you want or need is the best advice I can give. He’ll appreciate it in the long run._

_I’m glad to see things are going so well for you since you and Devin broke up. I’m actually seeing someone new too. We’re only a few dates in, but I think it could be something good. Doesn’t hurt that he’s a sweet guy and fit as hell._

_Sincerely,_

_Charlie_

*

_Dear Charlie,_

_Thanks, Charlie! If I’m being honest, I think I was more scared for that article to come out than I was to go up against Voldemort. I’m glad it went well and that Luna was the one doing the interview. I would have been too nervous for it to have been anyone else._

_Uh, more details on this new guy please! I’m not living vicariously through you, but I do enjoy a good gay gossip. I only have Dean and Seamus for that (and now Anthony) so my options are limited. Well, I suppose there’s Ginny and Luna too though they’re not much for gossip. Your sister told me she’s come out to the entire family now. I’m very proud of her!_

_Your advice worked and now I officially have a boyfriend. Between that, spending with Teddy and my friends (and your family), and my healer training, things are going great. I feel like I’ve come a long way from the person I was right after the war. I even started seeing a mind healer who is helping me work through my PTSD and all the shit the Dursley’s put me through as a kid._

_For the first time in a long time (or maybe ever), I’m actually excited about the future. I can’t wait to see what happens next._

_Harry_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter took a lot longer to write than I expected. Thankfully, I've written a full outline of the story so hopefully I'll be able to stick to some sort of schedule and get the chapters written a lot more quickly. Enjoy!

That fall, Harry’s schedule grew even busier. Not only was he still attending university classes, but he also began shadowing a healer at St. Mungo’s twice a week. It was mostly observation though Healer Jeffries, the healer Harry was assigned to, liked to quiz him on various things and keep him on his toes. During his time at Hogwarts, Harry dreaded being put on the spot like that, but things had changed from his school days. He found that he learned a lot better when he studied at his own pace without the weight of the world on his shoulders. His five Os on his NEWTS could attest to that. With all his studying, Harry was right more often than he was wrong, something that made him proud of himself.

The more time Harry spent at St. Mungo’s under Healer Jeffries’ tutelage, the more Harry became assured that this was what he was meant to do. He was meant to help people heal people. It felt so good to know that his hands were good for so much more than just flinging curses at Death Eaters. Even Ron, who still wasn’t great with feelings and emotions, had commented on how happy Harry seemed these days.

Hermione had sighed at his proclamation, swatting her boyfriend on the arm. “Of course he’s happy, Ronald! He doesn’t have an evil megalomaniac after him! Not to mention the fact that he has a hot boyfriend.” She said the last bit with a sly look to Harry. Anthony, who had been seated next to Harry, had furiously blushed, something Harry hoped to see more of in the future because he looked really cute doing so. 

In September, Anthony entered the same law program Hermione was in. It meant that they spent more nights studying at Harry’s large kitchen table, textbook after textbook spread before them, than they did going out on dates. Harry found he really didn’t mind it. He’d always been a bit of a homebody despite what his numerous adventures at Hogwarts might lead someone to believe. He enjoyed their quiet evenings together. 

Another perk was it gave the press less chance to dog Harry’s footsteps whenever he went into Wizarding London. There was a nice reprieve after the press discovered that Harry was actually rather boring, but it sadly didn’t last. A few reporters redoubled their efforts of following Harry around hoping to catch him doing something salacious. Buying Pepperup Potions at the apothecary wasn’t very newsworthy.

One night while they were studying together, an owl arrived at Harry’s window, tapping the pane to request entry. Harry stood and let it in.

“Oh hello Dierdre,” Harry murmured, petting her head before untying the letter from her leg. Deirdre was Charlie’s lovely russet barn owl. 

Harry grabbed a few treats from the bowl he kept near the window. She quickly ate them before tucking in for a nice long nap atop Harry’s kitchen cupboards.

A small rush of satisfaction shot through him as he unfolded the letter, revealing Charlie’s looping scrawl. It pleased him how much their friendship had progressed in the years they’d been writing to each other. Sure, they didn’t see each other in person that often, but regardless, Harry felt that he knew Charlie nearly as well as friends he’d known since his first year at Hogwarts.

In the letter, Charlie recounted a recent adventure with Norberta that had Harry laughing so hard that tears fell down his face.

Smiling, Anthony looked up from his work. “Okay, what’s Ron done this time?” he asked, laughter in his voice.

“N-not Ron,” Harry replied, trying to get himself under control. When he’d finally managed to, he added, “It’s actually Ron’s older brother Charlie. He’s the one who works with dragons in Romania. We became friends after he helped me come to terms with being gay.”

A strange expression crossed Anthony’s face. Briefly, Harry wondered if Anthony felt a little left out because he knew all of Harry’s other friends but had never met Charlie. But then Anthony’s face smoothed out into a smile, one Harry couldn’t help but return.

“I’m glad you had someone there for you, Harry,” he said. “I remember how hard it was for me too.”

After a moment, Harry stood and said, “I don’t know about you but I’m starving!”

Harry’s shirt rode up as he stretched and he saw Anthony’s eyes dart down to stare at the sliver of brown skin revealed there. He looked back up at Harry and leered at him. “Why don’t we put lunch on hold for now and have sex instead?”

Harry tapped his chin, pretending to think it over. “I  _ suppose _ I could clear my schedule for a bit. I am a really busy man, I’ll have you know.”

Anthony pouted. Even pouting he looked good. “Too busy for your boyfriend?” he asked

Harry walked over, took Anthony’s face in his hands, and whispered, “Never too busy for you.” Then he kissed Anthony, slow and thorough. They were both panting by the time Harry pulled back. 

“Wanna go upstairs for a bit?” he asked, his fingertips trailing down the side of Anthony’s face and down his arm. When Harry reached his hand, he laced their fingers together.

“I’d like that a lot,” Anthony replied.

Harry helped his boyfriend up and led him upstairs to his bedroom. Once there, Harry gently pushed Anthony back onto the bed and straddled him. His breath caught when their groins met and he couldn’t help but grind down on him. Anthony’s hands shot to Harry’s hips and he directed the motion of them, slowing them until Harry found himself desperate for more.

“What do you want, Harry?” he asked after kissing Harry breathless.

By that point, Harry’s brain was basically mush and it took a minute to spit out what he wanted to say. “Want you inside me,” he finally managed.

“Yeah?” Anthony asked, running his nails up Harry’s thighs. His fingertips brushed over the bulge in Harry’s jeans, making his entire body jerk. “What else?”

“Um,” Harry said unintelligibly, his eyes squeezing shut. 

“Tell me, Harry,” Anthony demanded. “Tell me what you want or you won’t get it.”

Harry’s breath caught. He loved when Anthony got a bit forceful like that. “Wanna ride you.”

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Anthony asked, his hands deftly unbuttoning the fly of Harry’s jeans. “Though you certainly are.” He palmed Harry’s cock, moving his hand up and down over it. “Now, remove out clothes, won’t you?” Harry drew up as much brain power as he could manage at the moment and wandlessly Vanished their clothes to the bedroom floor.

“Good,” Anthony said. “Now, I want to watch you open yourself up for me, okay?” Harry furiously nodded. 

Anthony scooted back to sit against the headboard, taking Harry with him. Harry perched himself over Anthony’s thighs and spread his own as wide as he could. Conjuring lube onto his fingers, Harry leaned down and slid the first finger into himself. It felt good and he couldn’t help but clench around his finger. Soon, a second and then a third joined it, scissoring in and out. When he was ready, he pulled his fingers out, lubed up Anthony’s cock, and sank right down on it. 

A noise escaped Anthony from deep within his chest. “Bloody hell, Harry! Warn a guy first!” he said with a grin. Harry smirked back and began to move his hips in tight circles before he started raising himself up on his knees and sliding back down. Anthony’s hands grabbed Harry’s hips, holding on as he let his boyfriend run the show. 

It wasn’t long before Harry was quickly fisting himself as he bounced on Anthony’s cock. Harry cried out as he came all over Anthony’s stomach. When his thighs gave out, he slumped forward onto Anthony’s chest. Snaking his arms around Harry’s back, Anthony began to thrust his hips up, sliding into Harry at a quick pace. All Harry could do was hold on and enjoy the ride. 

And enjoy he did until Anthony finally came inside Harry and Harry eased off him. He Vanished the come from both his ass and Anthony’s stomach and cuddled up to his boyfriend. They laid together for several minutes before Anthony said, “Hey Harry, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”

Harry lifted his head from Anthony’s chest and craned his neck around to look at him. “You sound serious,” he said. Worry tugged at his mind and he gnawed on his bottom lip.

“It isn’t anything bad,” Anthony said, his voice soft and reassuring. “At least I don’t think it is. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately.”

Feeling a bit better, Harry released his lip and studied Anthony. “What is it?”

“Well, I was just wondering if you’d like to move in together,” he said, running his hand through Harry’s damp curls. “We’ve been together for awhile now and I miss you when we’re apart. I’d like to see you more.”

Harry felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Had they really been together long enough that they were to the point of moving in together? Harry didn’t have a clue. He’d never reached that point in any of his previous short-lived relationships. Did he want to move in with Anthony? Was he even ready to? Sure, he liked him a lot and enjoyed his company. He just wasn’t sure if he was ready.

Reading into Harry’s silence, Anthony said, “You aren’t sure, are you?”

“I just...I need to think about it, okay?” Harry said, not wanting to hurt Anthony’s feelings. “I’d like to see you more too, but I’m not sure about living together. Can I have time to think it over?”

“Oh Harry, of course you can,” he said reassuringly. “You can have as much time as you need. It’s okay if you aren’t ready to.”

Harry smiled. “Thanks, I appreciate that. I’ll let you know after I’ve had the chance to think it over. Okay?”

*

_ Dear Charlie,  _

_ I’m freaking out a little bit. Or probably a lot actually. Anthony asked me if I wanted to move in together. I didn’t have a clue what to tell him! I don’t know if I’m even ready to. The only people I’ve ever lived with outside of the Hogwarts dorms are the Dursleys and we all know what great roommates they were.  _

_ I’ve been enjoying this time by myself figuring out who I am post-war, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I really care for him and think I might like to live with him someday. Just not right now. I told him I’d think about it but I don’t know how to turn him down without hurting him. Maybe I’m just not very good at the whole boyfriend thing. _

_ Harry _

_ * _

_ Dear Harry, _

_ I  _ highly _ doubt that you aren’t a good boyfriend. From everything you’ve told me, it sounds like you’re trying hard to be a good boyfriend to Anthony. That counts in the long run.  _

_ You just have to be honest with him. Tell him exactly what you told me, that you just aren’t ready to live together yet because you need time to yourself. He’ll appreciate your honesty. If you did move in together without being ready, you’d probably just end up hurting both Anthony and yourself in the long run. I know you don’t want that.  _

_ You of all people deserve to be a little selfish, okay? You’ve earned it.  _

_ Sincerely,  _

_ Charlie _

_ * _

_ Charlie, _

_ Once again, your advice was sound! Thank you! I always appreciate it. I told Anthony exactly what you said and he said he didn’t think I sounded ready to live together either because I have too much on my mind to focus fully on him. I think he’s right - I’m so busy all the time now that I barely have time to breathe. _

_ I keep meaning to ask - how are things going with your boyfriend? You haven’t mentioned him for a while. _

_ Harry _

_ * _

_ Dear Harry, _

_ I’m glad to hear things went so well! Good on you! _

_ There’s a reason I haven’t mentioned him lately. He turned out to be a huge asshole and didn’t like the fact that had male friends outside of himself. I can’t deal with anyone controlling that tries to dictate who I can and cannot be friends with. He even got irritated that I was writing to you! I suppose being a little jealous is one thing, but his jealousy was just out of control and I won’t put up with that. _

_ Charlie _

_ * _

_ Dear Charlie, _

_ In that case, I’m glad you haven’t mentioned him! You don’t need someone like that in your life. You deserve someone who trusts you and cares for you. I’m positive the next guy will be loads better for you. _

_ Are you coming home for Christmas this year? I got you something really cool - the only way you get to find out what it is is if you show up at the Burrow! _

_ Harry _

*

It amazed Harry how quickly a year and a half had passed. It boggled his mind when he thought about how long he and Anthony had been together. Sure, it wasn’t that long compared to Molly and Arthur’s relationship, but it was long for Harry and his rather previous short-lived relationships.

Last Christmas, Harry and Anthony had spent the holidays with their respective families. This year, however, they were spending it together. They spent Christmas Eve with Anthony’s parents and siblings while they planned to spend Christmas day at the Burrow.

“Ready?” Harry asked Anthony as they stood before the Floo on Christmas morning. He knew the day was bound to be overwhelming with all the Weasleys and their significant others gathered together in one place. Andromeda and Teddy would be coming over for presents as well. Harry had warned Anthony how loud it could get at times and wanted him to be prepared.

Anthony gave him a good natured smile. “You know I love the Weasleys. It’s going to be fine.”

“You’re right,” Harry said with a laugh. “Part of me knows it will be. This is just the first time I’ve ever brought anyone over for Christmas. I guess  _ I’m _ a little nervous.”

“Don’t be. I’ve met most of them already and we get along.”

Harry ran a hand through his curls, hoping he didn’t mess them up too much. Ever since he discovered the Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion that his own grandfather apparently invented (and that the Potter family was still earning royalties for), Harry had been applying it to his hair in order to look more professional at work. It seemed to work because everyone complimented his hair.

“You’re right,” Harry said. “I know you’re right. So let’s do this!” He leaned forward and pecked Anthony on the lips before tossing some Floo powder into the fire and saying, “The Burrow!”

Unsurprisingly, the Burrow was in chaos when Harry stepped through, Anthony on his heels. People were shouting and scrambling through the house, Bill and Percy’s children were chasing each other, and Molly was yelling over the noise, requesting help setting th etable.

“Oh wow, you weren’t kidding,” Anthony murmured in his ear. 

Harry smirked at him. “It’ll be like this all day. But it’s all good fun.”

“I know,” he replied, giving Harry’s arm a little squeeze.

From across the chaos, Harry heard Ron call out, “Mate!” The next thing Harry knew, someone had flung themselves at him, two arms wrapping around his back. Harry felt liquid slosh down his back. Ron stepped back, giving Harry a dopey grin. He had a mug of something that smelled flammable in his hand.

“Mate, I’m so glad you’re here!” he said. His cheeks were red enough to rival his hair and his eyes were a little glassy. He wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders and said, “You know, Harry, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. You’re basically my brother, except you’re short. None of my brothers are that short.” With the hand holding the mug, he poked Harry in the chest, sloshing more liquid onto Harry. Harry held back his grimace.

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had too,” Harry said, patting Ron on the back. “You and Hermione.”

“Hermione,” Ron said dreamily in a way that reminded Harry of Luna. “I’m so lucky. I still can’t believe she’s my girlfriend.”

Laughing, Harry said, “Mate, how much have you had to drink.  _ Why _ did you start drinking so early?”

“It’s Christmas! Lighten up, Potter,” a voice said, entering the room. It was Charlie smiling widely at Harry.

“Hey Charlie!” he said, walking over to give his friend a hug. “It’s so good to see you!”

“You too,” Charlie said in his ear before letting go and stepping back. He looked Harry up and down. “You look good. I like the hair!”

“You do too,” Harry replied, blushing a little.

“And this must be Anthony,” Charlie said, walking over to Anthony. He stuck out his hand and Anthony shook it, giving Charlie an appraising look. 

“Anthony, this is Charlie. He’s the Weasley that likes to play with dragons in his spare time,” Harry joked.

Charlie rolled his eyes at Harry. “Actually, I like to play with dragons  _ as my job _ as you well know.”

“Sounds dangerous,” Anthony offered. He had a strange look on his face that Harry struggled to decipher. Something was up with him.

The four of them chatted for a few minutes before Molly called out that breakfast was ready. Since the last time Harry was at the Burrow, the dining room had been expanded to accommodate all the extra people there for Christmas breakfast. Hermione gave Harry a quick hug before sitting down next to Ron. Harry selected a seat between Anthony and Charlie across from his best friends.

Throughout breakfast, Charlie and Harry joked to one another and shared stories of their adventures with dragons and St. Mungo’s. Harry tried to include Anthony in on the stories, asking him to share his tales of wizarding law school, but he was strangely quiet, not sharing more than the bare minimum. Call Harry oblivious all you want, but he knew something was going on with Anthony.

When breakfast was over, Harry grabbed Anthony’s hand and pulled him over to a quiet corner. Throwing up a  _ Muffliato _ , he gently squeezed Anthony’s hand and asked, “What’s wrong?”

He grimaced. “I don’t know,” he said after a moment. “I feel weird I guess. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed?”

Harry nodded with understanding. “I know it’s all a lot. Hopefully things will settle down after we open presents.”

Anthony gave him a tight smile. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure,” Harry said. 

“Yeah,” Anthony replied. Harry leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss.

A moment later, the Floo came to life and Andromeda and Teddy stepped through. 

“Harry!” Teddy cried, throwing himself at his godfather. Harry grunted and caught the boy, picking him up under the arms and twirling him around.

“Teddy Bear!” he said, kissing the top of Teddy’s head before setting him back on the ground. 

Teddy, all of four years old, pouted. “I told you not to call me that! I’m too old for a nickname!”

Harry grinned down at him. “If you say so, little man.”

“I do!” Teddy insisted. “Now, what did you get me for Christmas?”

“Edward!” Andromeda chided, walking over. “We’ve talked about this.” Teddy’s pout grew. She hugged both Harry and Anthony and stepped back. “Now, are you going to greet Anthony or are you going to be rude?”

“Hi Anthony,” the boy said reluctantly. For whatever reason, despite Anthony normally being great with kids, Teddy hadn’t warmed up to him. Everytime Teddy came over when Anthony was there, he all but ignored him. It was strange because Teddy was normally so outgoing with everyone.

“Hi Teddy,” Anthony said, a tight smile on his face.

“Hey Tedster!” Charlie said, walking into the room.

“Charlie!” he shouted, turning around and throwing himself at Charlie the same way he had with Harry. “I didn’t know if you’d be here.” 

“Sure,  _ Charlie _ can get away with calling him a nickname but your poor godfather can’t,” Harry whined.

“That’s because Charlie is  _ cool _ , Harry!” Teddy said exuberantly. “He works with dragons. You’re just a healer.” 

“Gee, thanks,” Harry said, biting his lip to fight a grin.

“Hey!” Charlie said. “Harry saves people’s lives. That’s plenty cool.”

“Well, I don’t just yet. I haven’t graduated yet,” Harry pointed out.

“But you will,” Charlie insisted, “and you’ll be the best damn healer St. Mungo’s has ever seen.” Harry could no longer fight the smile and grinned widely.

“I’ll do my best.”

Later, the Weasleys and company gathered in the enlarged living room, strewn across the couch, chairs, and the floor. Harry found himself squashed between Anthony and George, trying his best not to elbow anyone as he opened a new sweater from Molly, a load of new products from Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes from George, and a stack of medical tomes from Hermione.

Charlie tossed a small package across the room to Harry. Harry snatched it from the air one-handed. “I see you still have those Seeker reflexes,” he said.

“Yeah, but do you still have your Seeker reflexes, old man?” Harry teased.

“Well, that’s just rude!” Charlie said. “Give me that gift back right now!”

“Will this make up for it?” Harry said, tossing a gift at Charlie. He snatched it from the air. “Okay, I concede that you do indeed still have your reflexes.”

“Thank you,” Charlie said, turning his nose up. After a moment, he pointedly looked at the gift in Harry’s hands and said, “Well, are you going to open it?”

“Right,” Harry said, carefully tearing off the Snitch wrapping paper. When he pulled it away, he saw a silver cloak pin shaped like a caduceus. A strange tingle shot through Harry’s belly. He looked up at his friend and said, “Oh wow, this is great!”

“I’m glad you like it,” Charlie said softly, just loud enough he could be heard over the volume of the room.

Harry nodded to the gift in Charlie’s hands. “Your turn.”

Inside the paper was a small obsidian crystal on a leather thong. “It’s a protection amulet,” Harry explained. “As long as you’re wearing that, you’ll be protected from all but the worst burns. I also enchanted it to protect you from most curses.”

“You enchanted this?” Charlie asked, immediately putting the amulet on. Harry nodded. “That’s incredible, Harry!”

Bill, who sat next to Charlie, nodded. “Enchantments like that are notoriously hard to do. Awesome work.”

“Thanks, you guys,” Harry said, blushing. It was hard not to when two hot guys complimented him like that.

*

It was early evening by the time Harry and Anthony made it back to Grimmauld Place. By that point, Harry was exhausted from so much social stimulation.

“I don’t know about you, but I’ll be heading to bed early tonight,” Harry joked when Anthony stepped through the Floo.

“Yeah,” Anthony agreed. He was strangely quiet, had been all day, and Harry just knew something was really wrong.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he said, stepping closer to him.

Anthony held his hand up to prevent Harry from coming any closer. “I’m sorry, Harry, but I can’t do this anymore.”

Cold realization shot down Harry’s spine and settled in his stomach. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you,” he asked, knowing full well it was the truth. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Anthony nodded.

“But  _ why? _ ” Harry asked, at a complete loss. “I thought we really liked each other.”

When Anthony opened his eyes, Harry saw that they were wet with tears. “That’s just the thing Harry. You really like me, but I  _ love _ you. And I think there’s something you’re not being entirely honest with yourself about, something you need to figure out on your own.”

Confusion filled Harry. He conceded that he didn’t love Anthony, not yet. But he didn’t have a clue what Anthony thought he wasn’t being honest with himself about. He was about to ask when Anthony said, “I don’t want to end things on bad terms, okay?” He took a deep breath. “I want us to be friends one day. Just...I just can’t right now. I need time.”

“I want that too,” Harry admitted.

“I wish you all the best, Harry, I really do,” Anthony said quietly. He stepped forward and gave Harry a soft kiss. Walking over to the Floo, he gave Harry one last look and was gone.

*

_ Dear Charlie, _

_ So right after I got home on Christmas, Anthony broke up with me. I have no idea why. I thought things were going really well between us, but he said I have some stuff I need to work out on my own. I just don’t know what he’s talking about. I wonder if part of it is because I wasn’t ready to move in with him. He did say that he loved me whereas I only liked him. He wasn’t exactly wrong. That probably played a part in it too. I guess I can’t really blame him for needing more from me in a relationship.  _

_ Anyway, it was really good to see you at Christmas! Be sure to let me know the next time you’re in England. We’ll get a pint. _

_ Take care! _

_ Harry _

_ * _

_ Dear Harry, _

_ I’m so sorry to hear that! He seemed like a really nice guy. Don’t worry though - I just know you’ll meet the right person someday. Keep your chin up and focus on your friends and your studies for a bit. It’ll be alright. _

_ Love, _

_ Charlie _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this chapter out much faster than the last one! Hopefully you like it - it's filled with character development and lot's of feelings.

It’s just before Harry’s twenty-fourth birthday that he begins his rotation in the emergency room of St. Mungo’s. For as much as he learned from Healer Jeffries and enjoyed shadowing her, he was excited to help treat more than just foot warts and dispensing potions for the common cold. Everyone warned him that the emergency room was an entirely new beast, but nothing could have prepared him for actually working in it.

His hours practically lasted from sunup to sundown with breaks wherever he could squeeze them in. He had to keep snacks in his robes just so he’d remember to eat. He was required to do everything from changing bedpans and passing out lunches to applying burn salves and healing open wounds. Harry hardly had any time for himself, but he loved every minute he was there. He finally,  _ finally, _ felt as if he was making a difference in the world, making a difference in a way that didn’t involve a prophecy that said he was destined to kill or be killed.

It was on Harry’s twenty-fourth birthday that it happened. He lost his first patient. There was nothing he could have done - the curse was too aggressive for any treatment - but that didn’t stop Harry from blaming himself for the loss.

_ She’s so young _ , Harry thought to himself as he sat with the patient afterwards. He longrf to hold her hand but he couldn’t even do that until the curse was identified. He stayed with her until the Aurors came and questioned him, forcing Harry to finally leave her alone. It was just as they released him from questioning that he saw her family rushing in to see her. Tears sprang to his eyes as he watched a woman who looked enough like the patient that she could only be her mom break down sobbing. A stern looking man sank to the floor with her, taking his wife in his arms. Even he squeezed his eyes shut from the pain of it.

He hated that the mother actually  _ hugged _ him for doing all he could for her daughter. He almost wished she would have yelled at him or that the dad punched him in the face. It would have hurt less.

When the couple finally left, Harry excused himself and locked himself in the staff bathroom. He sank to the floor and sobbed until he couldn’t any longer. Healer Jeffries was waiting for him when he finally hauled himself off the floor and left the bathroom.

“Oh, Harry,” she said, pulling him into a fierce hug. Harry wasn’t tall by any means, but Healer Jeffries only came up to his shoulders. That didn’t stop her from giving one of the best hugs Harry had ever had. It made him feel just the slightest bit better.

“I’m so sorry. The first one is always the most painful.”

All Harry could bring himself to say was, “Yeah.”

She pulled back and gave him a critical look. “You have the rest of the day off and tomorrow too,” she said.

Honestly, Harry figured throwing himself into his work would be a great way to keep his mind off of everything, not that his mind healer would have approved. He really loathed the idea of going home to Grimmauld Place by himself to wallow.

“Won’t you be short staffed-” he began.

“Nope,” she said, gently squeezing his arm. “I’ll be down here for the rest of the day.”

There was nothing Harry could do but head home. Kreacher popped into the room when Harry stepped through the Floo, took one look at Harry, and began making him tea. He even added a shot of Firewhiskey to the tea tray. Harry couldn’t help but give his elf a small smile.

“Thanks Kreacher,” he murmured.

“Master Harry has been through an ordeal today, Kreacher knows,” he said. 

Harry poured a healthy dose of Firewhiskey into his tea mug and found himself at a loss for what to do next. He was exhausted but he wasn’t particularly tired so sleeping was out of the question just yet. Without really thinking about it, Harry found himself at his desk in the study. He sat down and grabbed a fresh sheet of parchment and began to write.

_ Dear Charlie, _

_ I lost my first patient today.... _

*

Harry awoke to Kreacher poking him on the arm. “Wha?” he said, groggily sitting up.

“Master must wake up,” he said, scowling. “One of the ginger blood traitors is at the door.”

“Don’t call Ron that,” Harry said automatically. 

Groaning, Harry stood. He ran a hand through his disheveled curls as he made his way to the door. Not that Ron hadn’t seen his hair in a worse state before. After all, they were on the run for months with limited access to shampoo. The stringy mop he’d sported at the time still made him shudder when he thought about it.

Glancing at the large grandfather clock in the room, Harry saw that it was only 8:30. Not even eight hours had passed since he’d lost his patient.

When he opened the door, it wasn’t Ron waiting for him. It wasn’t even Ginny or George. No, Charlie stood before him, a worried look on his face.

“Oh, Harry,” he said, darting forward and wrapping Harry up in a hug that felt even better than Healer Jeffries’ from earlier that day.

“Charlie!” Harry said, quickly returning the hug. He felt so warm all of a sudden, like his body was on fire. It was strange.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” Charlie replied. His voice was muffled yet so soothing Harry couldn’t help but squeeze his eyes shut and let the words wash over him.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” Harry said when they finally pull apart.

“I had to come,” Charlie said. He put his hands on Harry’s shoulders and looked at him critically. “You really look like shit, Potter.”

Harry barked out a laugh, feeling lighter than he had in hours. “You sure know how to sweet talk a guy, Weasley.”

Grinning, Charlie said, “It’s one of my many talents.”

“I’m sure,” Harry agreed.

After a moment, Charlie wrapped his arm around Harry and led him down to the kitchen. Once they were there, he lightly pushed Harry into a chair and immediately grabbed chicken from the ice box. He then headed for the cupboards. Harry watched as Charlie pulled out an assortment of vegetables and plunked them down on the counter.

“Um, what are you doing?” Harry asked.

Charlie glanced at him over his shoulder. “I’m making you chicken soup. I know you haven’t eaten in hours and Mum’s chicken soup recipe is good for the soul.”

Right on cue, Harry’s stomach let forth a ferocious growl. He smiled guiltily at his friend but chose not to fight him on it. Weasleys were too stubborn for him to win anyway. “I appreciate that.”

“That’s good,” Charlie said, pulling a knife from the knife block. “I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.”

Harry watched Charlie for a few minutes. Though he hadn’t spent much time cooking in Harry’s kitchen, he moved around it with confidence. It was kind of nice having someone in the house again. Other than Ron and Hermione, hardly anyone spent much time there. There hadn’t been anyone special in Harry’s home since Anthony broke up with him. He was lonely much of the time indeed.

Over the next few minutes, Charlie filled Harry in on what he was up to at the dragon reserve. Harry always enjoyed his stories the few times a year when they saw each other. For as much as Harry loved writing to Charlie, the man was a born storyteller. His funny stories about his coworkers and the dragons, especially the babies, always filled Harry with warmth. Despite their age difference, Harry was glad that Charlie befriended him all those years ago. Outside of Ron and Hermione, he was easily Harry’s closest friend.

After he wrapped up a particularly funny story involving Charlie’s boss and a rather crude sign spelled onto his back, Charlie glanced over his shoulder at Harry and said, “Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Harry said, looking up from his hands.

It was then that Harry noticed it, that tumultuous churning of his stomach that happened whenever he liked someone. Really liked them. And this time, that someone was Charlie. His good friend Charlie, who was older and so cool and definitely  _ not _ into Harry. There was no way. Charlie was so kind and hot and funny and surrounded by good looking dragon wranglers that he’d never look at Harry that way.

At once, what Anthony said when they’d broken up made sense to him.  _ I think there’s something you’re not being entirely honest with yourself about, something you need to figure out on your own. _ He’d said it right after they left the Weasley’s on Christmas, much of the time Harry spent talking to Charlie. Anthony was right, he hadn’t been honest with himself. How long had he had feelings for Charlie and not even know it? How long had he been carrying a torch for his friend? And had other people watched him pitifully pine this entire time? Ugh.

“Bollocks,” he muttered to himself.

“Did you say something?” Charlie asked, stirring the pot of soup.

“Uh,” Harry sputtered. “Just, um, wondering how you got here so quickly. It’d only been a few hours since I owled you.”

Charlie gave Harry a sad look. “I went to my boss as soon as I got your letter. He keeps a set of emergency long distance portkeys for when we need to get somewhere quickly.”

“Wow,” Harry said, secretly pleased. His heart was still beating hard in his chest. “I don’t know how to thank you for coming.”

“Harry,” Charlie said, his voice so soft. Harry looked up at him, feeling his heart on his sleeve. He wondered if Charlie noticed. “Harry, you don’t have to thank me. This is what friends  _ do _ for each other.”

Harry couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, it is, isn't it?” Somehow, Harry felt lighter.

It wasn’t until after dinner when they’d retired to the sitting room with a bottle of Firewhiskey that Charlie finally asked what happened.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but I think you should. It isn’t good to bottle things up. You’ll feel worse in the long run.”

Harry snorted. “Have you been talking to my mind healer?” he asked.

Charlie laughed. “Nah, I just listen to mine.” He hadn’t known that Charlie saw a mind healer, but it made sense that he did. He was so put together all the time.

They lapsed into silence for a moment. Harry tried to figure out what exactly to say, but it was hard to organize the swirling thoughts in his mind. Finally, he opened his mouth and everything tumbled out; the way the woman’s blonde hair was singed at the ends from the blast of the curse, the way it felt to see the blackened hole in her chest, the fact that he’d never seen anyone look so pale before.

Harry was filled with dread by the time he’d finished. Going back to work the day after tomorrow felt impossible. He told Charlie so.

“I mean, I was in a freaking war! I’ve seen people die in horrible, awful ways. I’ve killed Voldemort and Quirrell. This is my job. I should be prepared for people to die,” Harry said. His voice was thick with emotion and tears fell down his face.

Charlie pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wordlessly handed it to Harry.  _ Of course Charlie is the type to carry around a handkerchief for whenever a crying damsel needs one, _ Harry thought. 

“Harry,” Charlie said. Harry’s name sounded heavy falling from Charlie’s lips. Harry’s heart sped up again and he wasn’t sure if it was because Charlie was giving him so much attention or because of what Harry had just said. Merlin, it probably made Harry a bad person for focusing so much energy on his newfound feelings for Charlie when he’d just seen a woman die earlier that day.

Words that sounded suspiciously like Hermione sprang into Harry’s mind.  _ You’re being too hard on yourself, Harry. You’re focusing on your feelings for Charlie because it’s a lot easier for you to handle than the death of a patient. _

“Harry,” Charlie said again, laying a hand on Harry’s knee and gently squeezing. Charlie’s palm was so warm through Harry’s jeans. Harry looked up at him. “Living through a war or not, I’m not surprised this is affecting you so much. Your job is to help save people and today you encountered someone you couldn’t save.”

Sighing, Harry looked over at the fire burning in the fireplace and said, “If I can’t deal with this, maybe I’m not cut out to be a healer. Maybe I was never meant to be.”

“No!” Charlie fiercely said. “No, I don’t believe that at all. You love your job. You love helping people. You’ve just had an off day today because something horrible happened, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have so many good days in the future. Just think of all the people you do save. They get to go on living because of you.”

Harry didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to feel. He knew that Charlie was right, he had saved lives especially since he’d transferred to the emergency room. But it still didn’t ease the pain he felt at losing a patient. It was something he’d just have to live with apparently. Maybe not get used to, but something he would have to accept regardless.

Finally, Harry said, “I know you’re right, I  _ know _ it. I think it’s just something I’m going to struggle with.”

“I know it isn’t the same thing, but I’ve had to learn to accept that I or any of my coworkers could die any day at work,” Charlie began. “We take as many safety precautions as we possibly can, but there’s always something that can go wrong. It doesn’t feel good thinking of the coworkers who have been injured on the job and the knowledge that it could have been even worse, but if I don’t accept, I won’t be as effective at my job. That could cost someone their life.”

“I won’t be as effective at helping people if I’m distracted by this,” Harry said.

“Exactly,” Charlie said. He wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulders for the second time that evening. Harry greedily soaked up the comfort, wishing he could stay like that forever.

*

Only securing a very short leave from work, Charlie had to leave the next day. Before his portkey was set to sweep him back across the continent, he wrapped his arms around Harry in a big hug. It made Harry feel so safe and secure, so  _ loved _ , that he pressed in a little harder, burying his face in the crook of Charlie’s neck. Harry realized then that he never wanted to let him go.

Charlie must have misunderstood Harry’s action because he petted Harry’s hair and said, “It’s going to be okay, Harry. Maybe not for a while, but you’re going to get through this. Ron and Hermione are always here for you to talk to and I’m just a letter or Floo call away. It’s going to be alright.”

Harry knew Charlie was right, he would be okay eventually. At least when it came to losing his patient. He had the knowledge that there was nothing he could have done, not with the curse she’d endured. He just didn’t know if he’d be okay when it came to his newfound feelings for Charlie.

Considering Harry was nowhere near ready to tell Charlie how he felt, Harry saw a lot of pining in his future.

*

Going back to work was hard, even harder than he thought it would be. Healer Jeffries was there waiting for him with a big hug and words of encouragement when he arrived that morning. That helped a lot. 

Harry knew he was off his game for the first few hours of his shift. By the time mid morning rolled around, he fell into the right rhythm and was able to compartmentalize his feelings enough to have a successful shift. Thankfully, the day passed by without any serious injuries, making the shift much easier for Harry to deal with.

When his shift was over at five, Harry Apparated home and took a nap until a quarter to seven. To celebrate his birthday, Mrs. Weasley had invited Harry over for a small celebration. Harry had secured a half dozen hugs within moments of stepping through the Floo. It felt nice to have such lavish attention thrown his way.

The entire Weasley clan minus Charlie was there, along with Neville, Luna, Dean, and Seamus. It was a nice party full of great food, a wonderful chocolate cake and homemade treacle tart, and more gifts than Harry knew what to do with.

That night, Harry went home with Dean and Seamus and they gave him a  _ very  _ happy birthday. After the past couple of days, a bit of stress relief with his friends was exactly what he needed. The no strings attached nature of their relationship hadn’t put a damper on their friendships at all. Neither of them were in love with Harry, just like he wasn’t in love with them, so they were able to easily maintain a good friendship despite sleeping together on occasion. 

Life went on as it always had until the day Harry got an unexpected letter from Charlie.

*

_ Dear Harry, _

_ I’m so glad to hear that your graduation went well. I’m really sorry I couldn’t be there, but we’ve been a bit short staffed ever since Bernie got injured. It has to be a relief to be done with your classes and to be able to focus on your healer apprenticeship full time. I just know you’ll do great! _

_ So I have some good news! I recently started dating Ted, that new guy I told you about a few months ago. Things are going really great between us. I can see a real future with him.  _

_ Anyway, I hope you’re well and you continue to kick ass and take names! _

_ Love,  _

_ Charlie _

*

Harry was gutted. He knew there was a possibility that Charlie would start dating someone new. After all, it wasn’t like Harry had any sort of claim on Charlie. They were just friends. Not that Harry would trade that friendship for anything in the world. Charlie meant way too much to Harry to let a crush (who was he kidding, he was madly in love with him) get in the way of their friendship. Besides, it wasn’t Charlie’s fault he didn’t know how Harry truly felt about him. And Harry was far too scared of ruining their friendship to tell him.

He didn’t expect the news of Charlie having a boyfriend to hurt quite so much. He needed advice. He needed Hermione.

*

“I’m not really sure why you didn’t want Ron to come over today,” Hermione said as she sipped her coffee. The two of them sat at the large kitchen table in the basement kitchen of Grimmauld Place. A tray of snacks lay between that they nibbled on as they talked.

“Hermione, you know why I wanted to talk to you alone,” Harry said with a laugh.

“Ah yes, Ron and his emotional range of a teaspoon,” she said, grinning.

“Exactly!” Harry said, punctuating his point with a finger jab in the air. “He just isn’t good to talk to about these sorts of things. You are.”

“Thank you,” Hermione said, clearly pleased. She took a sip of coffee before setting it down on the table and giving Harry an appraising look. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“I need advice about something,” Harry admitted. “Or to vent. I’m not sure which.”

“Why not both?” she joked.

Harry grinning. “You’re more right than you know.” He fell into a silence as he thought over just how much to share with her. Did he really want to tell her it was Charlie he had feelings for? He wasn’t sure.

“So a few months ago I realized that I’m in love with someone,” he said. Hermione’s eyebrows went up.

“Considering you’re as much of a workaholic as I am, I’m guessing it’s either a coworker or it’s a Weasley,” she said, giving Harry a pointed look. The grimace on Harry’s face told her everything she needed to know. “Well, I know it isn’t Ron because you haven’t acted any differently toward him. I doubt it’s Bill or Percy. George is a possibility, but I don’t think it’s him. 

“I know how much you and Charlie write to each other,” she said in a quiet voice.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, it’s Charlie.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” Hermione said. “Hell, I had a crush on him when we were still teenagers. Don’t tell Ron.”

“I would never!” Harry said. 

“Charlie’s such a sweet man and you two are close. I can’t say this is a surprise, Harry.”

Harry grimaced. “I just found out he has a boyfriend.”

“Oh, Harry,” Hermione said, reaching across the table for his hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Hermione.” He gave her hand a little squeeze. God, he loved her. She was the best friend he could ever ask for.

“I don’t want to get your hopes up and say that Charlie and his boyfriend might not work out.”

“For as much as I l-love him, I would never wish that,” Harry said. “I don’t want him to hurt.”

Hermione gave him a sweet smile. “That’s why you’re such a good guy, Harry. Well, one of the reasons.”

Affection for her bloomed in his chest. “Thanks, Hermione.”

“Now,” she said, “what do you plan to do?”

“At this point, nothing. Like I said, he has a boyfriend. And I don’t want to make things weird between us. He means too much to me.” Harry paused to take a sip of his coffee. “Maybe if they break up at some point I’ll tell him how I feel, but not right now.”

“I think that’s for the best,” she said. “I also think it might be a good idea for you to get back out there, find someone new.”

Frowning, Harry replied, “Is that fair though? To date someone when I have feelings for someone else?”

“Harry, I’m not saying you need to go out and find someone to marry. I just think that finding someone else might help you get over him. I think it’s your best option.”

Harry thought about it and knew she was right. Harry wasn’t uncomfortable with being in love with Charlie, but he didn’t want to pine away forever either. He wanted someone to care for, someone who cared for him. He wanted to have someone to come home to at the end of the day. Maybe he should keep his options open.


End file.
